HR jokes have been around since the dawn of time – well, more accurately, 18th century Europe... As you see, they may not seem like the most fun to hang around, but if you give them a chance, your office HR manager may just crack you up.
HR: My favorite thing to do is to walk around with a file, go up to a new hire, look them in the eye and say, “Do you have a minute?” The look on their face cracks me up every time. Then I walk away slowly and turn back to see if they’re following me.
Recruiter: (whispers) Imagine the oldest version of Internet Explorer.
Now imagine you have 3415 tabs open... all the time.
(somecards.com)
Celine: I don’t know.
Guy: Whoa! How did you know that?
Interviewee: You asked me to come in for an interview!
HR: No, I mean, why do you want to interview for this job?
Interviewee: To get hired for this job.
HR: I mean, what makes you interested in this job?
Interviewee: Oh, my parents asked me to get a job.
HR: Thank you for your time. Next candidate, please.
Tip #1: Not everyone is going to love you.
Tip #2: Very few people will like you.
Tip #3: It doesn’t matter that no one likes you.
Tip #4: No, no, they aren’t actively avoiding you.
Tip #5: If you do your job well, there is a chance that someone will dislike you.
...
Tip #19837: Everyone hates you! Get used to it.
Funny guy: (nervously) Um... ha... ha... No.
HR: Yeah you are. Your team lead told me about you.
Funny guy: Oh, I… uh, well. I tend to tell a joke or two.
HR: Go on. Tell us one.
Funny Guy: (gulps) …My break is over. (Waves goodbye and scurries off)
HR: (taking a sip of coffee) …Trying to bond with employees is hard.
Shankar: Yes, sir, I enjoy it when I do everything perfectly.
HR: You spelled ‘perfectionist’ wrong.
Aishwarya: Why are you so judgmental? Maybe he is having a tough time.
Dev: That’s your trainer. He should set an example by following the dress code.
Aishwarya: OH my GOODNESS! Why can’t people wear what they want? It’s not like you are the HR manager.
Dev: Yes, I am.
Aishwarya: … (Walks away quietly)
Interviewee: Eight hundred and fifty thousand a year.
HR Mustafa: You’re a fresher.
Interviewee: Yeah, so?
HR Mustafa: You’re hired.
Interviewee: Really? Thank you so much. I won’t let you down.
HR Mustafa: Wait, I thought we were both making jokes.
Firefighter 1: Wait, I can hear someone shouting.
Firefighter 2: It’s fine. It’s just the HR handing out waivers to the employees who are still in the building.
Employee 1: We have a lot of work to do.
HR: Come on, it’s important to keep the team engaged.
Employee 2: No, seriously, we have some important deadlines to meet.
Employee 3: Dude, that’s the HR. Our bonus review is coming up. So let’s pretend we want to play.
CEO: I need you guys to hire the best of the best. The crème de la crème.
HR team: (nods collectively)
CEO: Pay them top dollar and poach the best. I want performance.
HR team: (nods collectively)
CEO: Our budget needs to be cut by 70%.
HR team: (looks at Accounts)
Accountant: (smiles sheepishly)
Bob: Jenny, could you bring me my magnifying glass?
HR: Why…?
Employee 1: He started it.
Employee 2: What?! He threw the banana at me!
Three hours later.
HR: Boss, are you sure hiring monkeys is a smart way to cut the budget?
A: I work in HR.
HR: Guys, the new rule is that employees have to wear masks to work starting Monday.
Employee 1: Why? Are we all sitting at home and working?
Employee 2: Yeah, this doesn’t make any sense.
HR: Uh… Work-from-office started three weeks ago.
Shankar: You didn’t approve my leave. It’s discrimination, clearly.
HR Rajeev: You applied for three months of maternity leave.
Shankar: Yes.
…
…
…
…
(An air conditioner splutters in a silent room.)
Employee 2: Shh, they’ll hear you. They walk around in disguise, watching and waiting for us to make a mistake.
Sheik: I’m your HR manager.
Sona: The induction sheet said we could talk to you about anything.
Sheik: Right, please take a seat.
Sheila: I do.
Bella: Huh?
Sheila: I’m an HR manager.
Kevin: Why aren’t you answering my calls?
Tim: Sorry, I’ve been really busy.
Kevin: You said I could reach out anytime.
Tim: Yes, I did… But…
Kevin: Then why would you avoid my calls?
Tim: You resigned from the company where I work as an HR five years ago.
Tom: That’s okay. As an HR professional, I have learned not to hold grudges.
Joe: That’s especially nice of you.
Tom: No worries! It’s been documented in your employment record. In bold red text. And highlighted in yellow.
HR 2: Yep.
HR 1: Three hours of productive solutions.
HR 2: Yes, the 200-word, point-by-point email missed out on the part about squirrels in the parking lot.
She is in charge of payroll.
And for the ultimate HR joke, arguably the best HR joke in the world, as it’s so universal:
Conclusion
HR teams can get a lot of flak for being overly serious. Take the time to make fun of yourselves and learn to take a few hits for the team. These new HR jokes are a great way of keeping lines of communication open. And if you’re from any other team, take some time out to (carefully) narrate a fun HR joke or two to your favorite HR manager!